Generous Anti-Choicers

The Supreme Court decided on Friday that women have no rights to their bodies,
overturning Roe v. Wade.

I’m thinking it was “Uncle” (according to Samuel L. Jackson) Clarence Doubting Thomas
who thought payback’s a bitch and that someone a little less close to home should be a
slave for a while. And while he’s at it, he’s ready to revoke gay marriage. But—there
goes interracial marriage as well, which is decidedly not in the Constitution. How’s he
going to abort Ginni?

We hear that poor, sweet, virginal Susan Collins got played—her date Brett K-Man lied
to get in her pants—and it worked! She was referred to as a “cheap date” by aides on
the Hill. But—how’s she going to get an abortion, now that she’s pregnant with his child?

Pat yourselves on the back, Mainers. You, too, are the cheap dates who believed her.
How many abortions has Trump paid for?

But here’s the thing: While we ended up here via Trump and “No Chin” McConnell,
Boebert, Hawley, Cruz, and the rest of the venal morons—the people who elected them
are our real concern. It may turn out that my lifelong suspicion is correct: USAns are just too
stupid, gullible, and selfish to have a democracy.

But wait—maybe the anti-choicers really are not thinking of themselves and their own
bigoted principles, but of the poor unborn. Maybe the anti-choicers really do want their
taxes to go up to pay for all those malformed fetuses-now-babies, those unwanted
products of rape and incest. Because as I think about it, it seems that the anti-choicers
must have a tremendous amount of compassion for the unborn. And that they will be
fine paying for them. There’s a lot to think about, anti-choice Christians (since this really
is a matter of the church-state supposed split), for the new babies. They will need
medical care; babies of poor mothers will go to emergency rooms, which are subsidized
by local and federal governments. They will need day care so the mothers can work;
they will need education, food, clothing, shelter—the list is endless and the costs
immense.

Now that I know this is your deep plan, I feel humbled never to have thought this
through: You’re prepared to pay for them, since it’s your choice to force them to be born.

Thank you, anti-choicers. I’m overwhelmed by your generosity. You really are the loving
Christians you say you are!